It is about polygamy. What is your opinion about man who has more wives? Is it despicable, condemning or admirable? It is not easy to answer by one sentence at all. It is a really complicated topic and in today’s article we will try to look in depth of this problem
I, as a Muslim, agreed with the polygamy. It is part of our religion, which as the only religion supports polygamy. Does that sound strange? How could I agree with my own will? Many people think I was forced to do this. But I really came to Islam with the help of God and I was really thinking about this topic and in the end I had to admit that it is right … and I’m really not kidding .. I’ll explain to you why.
For every man on this planet, the greatest pleasure and the greatest desire is the woman. And they really have a huge weakness for women, and maybe that is the reason why some women can play with men. Already since the first moment on our earth is this rule: man earns, works, provides the family to be safe and in comfort. On the contrary, the woman is the foundation of home, gives life to children, takes care of home and husband. It is not so desirable for a woman to work. So if she wants to work, nobody should definitely forbid it, but it is not her obligation. And the hand in heart, even in today’s emancipated world when women work so they are never valued as men. Women have a lower pay than men, even if they work twice as much. For centuries, women have tried to balance men, but it will never happen. The truth is that women without men can not live and vice versa. It is a balance that is being added. And we can not say that any of them is fewer or more, everyone has a completely different role in life, and when it changes, the world is falling apart.
But the truth is that women need the men more. It is not just a financial background but also a psychological balance. I’m not saying that we do not have women strong and financially independent, etc., but they are exceptions, and even rich women are still waiting for their prince who will propose to them. Here’s the proof: woman wait for someone to ask for her hand, but the man take the action and do it. But there are still many women who can not be and live without a man. They may not be able to work even if they are trying, they have no education, or they have lost their husband and can not provide their children.I read a lot and lots of articles and cases about women who lost their husbands, and even before they lived in the welfare at once without the man, they were virtually on the street. It is a serious proof that a man is a family protector.If the family include a man so no one can say even a bad word about this family, but if the man is missing all people will mess up with the woman. In the end, these women usually end up as prostitutes to stay alive at all.
Now think about what’s better. Ending up as a prostitute or taking the role of a second wife? a young or childless woman can quickly dismiss this question, but now please imagine the fact that the woman has a baby and perhaps even has a job, maybe two jobs, but the money are not enough for living. What should she do to keep her child alive? Maybe you are thinking such a woman can still find a free man …yeah but we live at a time when it is statistically proven that men are less than women. Five women fall on one man! So, honestly in this case, the role of the other wife seems to me to be a really good and reasonable choice. The woman and the child will be protected. And this example was still one of the very good life stories. They are much worse and more drastic …
Another topic with the same result … Now I’m going to talk about where I live. There is a strict monogamy in our state. All men are married, they have children, but imagine that almost all men have mistresses and spend time in whorehouse. And their wives have no idea. So, what better to cheat your women with mistresses and whores?
Or if a man is not satisfied with a one woman in any matter, should not he admit it to his wife and then marry one more woman or 2 or 3? The Wives know about each other and do not have to suspect the husband of infidelity or to worry about if he is going home at all.
Well, my talking about this seem pretty really, but of course it’s not easy decision for a woman. If you are a second, third or fourth wife, this is still emotionally acceptable to the woman, but of course, if you are the first wife in the row and the man tells you that he is getting married again, that’s really a very difficult matter … Very painful. It’s actually a feeling that you’ve lost everything and that you are not enough to your husband. But women should realize that this is not about them but it is about the man himself. When it comes to that, you cannot do anything anymore about it neither change his feelings. And it is still better if your husband has a different wife whom you will know too, and maybe she can be your friend or even a best friend one day, than if your husband is going to cheat on you and mentally repel you far more. Men are diverse and a lot of men are not satisfied just with a one woman.
And do not say if your husband will marry another woman so you will hate her. It’s crap, I’ve seen it with my own eyes several times. you feel that feeling at first, but then all women will usually reconcile. This is a gift from God that He gave to a women. Women can overcome and try and forget. But I agree that a certain jealousy will last forever, and it is absolutely normal.
Let’s continue … I read the statistics that in America 90 percent of women agree with polygamy and the reasons stated they will have more time for themselves. And if you will make the another wife your best friend, you can share cooking, home childcare, and your husband’s worries. It’s not all about your head and you have more time for yourself and your children, and you can study or work better and more efficiently. I really admired this American theory and the best thing was that the women who said this were not Muslims.
But in order not to be mistaken in Islam, every woman must have her own home or her own flat. The wives should not live together in a one flat.
Next…In Scotland women are demonstrating because they want a husband. There are not enough men in the state, and so the women turned to the government with requirement to give them a husbands. It’s maybe funny but it’s real. And what the government should do? Is not now the variant of 4 wives the right solution? And if the women want and go for it?
Well, and the last point I will talk about is a wealth. Sometimes a man has a family but is not able to feed them. But he can meet a very influential and rich lady who can make his life situation as paradise on earth for him and his family.Even in such cases, it is recommended to have more than one wife.
I honestly do not support this last option, but I am very sensitive and emotionally based person, but even such a women and cases I had already seen.
In my opinion, the idea of polygamy could sound like that:
Women are a diamonds (beautiful and lovely creature) about who should be cared and should be keep in the safe.
Ladies…Hands on the heart. In many cases, we need the man beside us. In love, money or a period of pregnancy or education of our child. The man plays an indispensable role in our lives. And though we are very strong beings and stronger than men,we just cannot handle everything by ourselves.And have in mind a men are too much less and women too much more on our earth. Is not it little bit selfish that some women have a husband and some are just dreaming about him and dying as a virgins? Is not it selfish to keep the man just for yourself?
I just wanted to say that I do not want you to judge bad way the polygamy itself. There are a million logical reasons for this effort, and some are of it are really good and just try to help. And if something like that happens to you in your life so try to think more about the others and just about yourself.
And if your husband will find another wife so believe me that even for the second woman it is very hard. Try to be tolerant and it would be really pity because of this point to break all your marriage.
Of course depends on the woman if she will accept this faith or not in the end. Some woman would never be able to afford it and they prefer divorce. But it is really individual. Every woman must decide by herself and her heart.
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Actually yours is not the only religion, or perhaps yes as it was nothing religious but social. In our Andean culture both powerful men and powerful women could have several wifes and husbands. As our society is egalitarian today also a woman can have dreams and there is no shame for us men if they have higher economical, social or political status. Indeed all the women in my family from centuries ago have always have business for their own effort. Sadly the marriages ended when the Spaniard invasion arrived to our lands and x_x but although they tried couldn’t finish our culture.
What is the position for the Islam in respect to a woman to have several husbands? Is posible that as many traditions it was just a cultural need when the Islam was shaped in the past and that is not necessary in these days (in the western world as in Aywi Yala or how you call it America women always could work for themselves) where a woman can work?
“Women are a diamonds (beautiful and lovely creature) about who should be cared and should be keep in the safe.” diamonds are not beautiful and lovely creatures… those are stones to sell and keep in the safe for fear of burglars of to avoid it can have a life. I don’t know if it is a cultural difference… but a human being is not a stone, a human being has dreams and have to follow his/her dreams. And if women are diamonds in our culture then we men are diamonds too.
hhhhhhhhhhhhh I really have to laugh this time because when I wrote ” women are like diamonds” I remembered you..because I already mentioned it once in another article and you gave me the same respond.. I remember I wanted to remove it and write something else.. then I told I will risk it 😀 I see I should really change my words… anyway take it from me as a metaphore. I did not mean that women are stones.. I simply mean they are beautiful human being by the nature itself. Because still eruopean say that muslim woman is slave without her own right.
so, please I did not understand your question “What is the position for the Islam in respect to a woman to have several hsubands?” Maybe you did not understand me or I wrote it not clear. In Islam woman can have just 1 husband but the man can have 4 wives. When I wrote in the article about woman who has a lot of man this I meant specially European woman. because unbeliever people sometimes has a lot of partner in the same time and does not care about the amount.
and last thing I agree with you with the first point. and also it is in Islam that women should be educated and if they want they can work freely and to have more money than man it is not anything wrong or shame also.. with one more thing if muslim woman earn some money so it is only hers money and she definitely does not have to give it to her husband. It is her decision if she will give and share her money with the family or not. And if she gives something from her money than God count is as a charity and she will be highly rewarded .
And final note;; Islam never changed through the history.. it is absolutely the same as it was on the start just some people can mislead in their religion. that’s all. But polygamy is part of our religion and if someone is muslim he or she should accept it. Without the acceptance I do not think the person could call himself muslim at all. because deny one thing of islam is like to deny God words and God itself… anyway I speak to much. I think it is really enough 😀
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Certainly I ask about the diamond metaphor not because it could be wrong or wright but to try to understand. It’s something you have it seems in Europe and Orient it seems, for example here one metaphor for the ladies in Qhechua is “Urpi” that means dove (our native doves are quite sweet although has not the size of the bigger European ones) one day I will understand. : )
I appreciate so much to read you, save some very appreciated female friends from Turkey actually I have met very few female Muslims and more I knew male ones (with the Egyptians friends we used to talk more about football)
I think in the Christian bible, in the first books it shows the kings could have several wifes, but I guess it was a privilege of them. Also I am not sure that one has several partners because is believer or not, as according to news there are attacks, in places of Muslim background, by persons jealous of girls that are not with them but other guys. I think it is more a social issue. I had to read more carefully, yes, it is clear the position in Islam about women having several husbands and that is a no. But when that tradition begun I think probably Muslim women had not presence in economical life so it was not thought that they could afford to have more than one husband. Certainly in Peru they could and they can (except in the western sides where they prefer to be housewives even having professional degree and is something of a foreign culture hard to me to understand)
If Islam didn’t change I think there are different lines of thought? I believe they are Shia and Sunni, without counting other groups that claim to have a more rigorous interpretation. Also my friends from Turkey live the religion in a separated way from their private life (State law and not Sharia I think) so I have the impression that Islam has different ways to be lived according to the culture of the local persons (without meaning it is better or not)
Certainly I don’t see you as a slave as your beliefs are the ones you have and practice in your heart and that is always good. The same cannot be feel by me when one person just believe because the parents had those beliefs before, so Christian or Muslim or native if that person just inherited beliefs to me is a slave. So actually I think you are more free than most of persons as you choose how to live. In any case our side of the world is the proof that women have a balance with men, so it happened and it happens, in our culture the balance is quite important. Women are so important than one of our great heroes in my city was a woman, a militar General, what was not uncommon until the Spaniard invasion.
In Peru there is a sect that practices polygamy too, sometimes appear on TV but nobody sees it wrong or bad if everybody is happy why not? (of course in our case it would be for both men and women)
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You right the metaphor about the diamonds is from Orient-Egypt-Islam. And I liked it too much so thats why I use it but I never though about someone could understand it different way. And I am not surprised you talk with egyptian male just about Football 😀 Football is for them a LIfe, sometimes more than the religion. Thats the sad truth. and actually you cannot get in touch with muslim girl because it is not likely in islam woman and man speak together ( i am foreign, family is not counted). Even I do not speak with the man in a real life. This blog is actually kindness from my husband that he agreed on it cuz its public so he can also see everything. Thats how it works, And it is not like i am in prison but I also do not agree my husband speak with other girls… I am sure if you keep reading my blogs gradually you will learn all islam one day 😀 😀 😀 and you right Islam has 2 main lines Sunna and Shia. Of course both say about each other they are the wrong one 😀 like in every religion. But me personally I am Muslim Sunna That means I follow the prophet Muhammad. Shia follow another person call Ali. They believe that God made a mistake and Ali should be prophet, not Mohamed. And these two lines are in fight all the time. As I told it is from deep history but it need more explanation. Maybe I will write about it in another article to make it more clear.
At the end I believe every person is free to choose their own belief. Look my parents are atheist and they desire me to be so since I was born. We can say it is kind of belief exactly as christianity, jewish and so on. just with option they believe in nothing. But I changed it and dissapointed them and the same will happen with another family with another religon. But every single person in this earth is free to choose is own way, This what I believe in the most.
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Thank you, Sajda. ^_^
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you always welcome
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what would you do when your husband told you he found a second wife?
If you read my article all, you could find the answer there:
,,I, as a Muslim, agreed with the polygamy. It is part of our religion, which as the only religion supports polygamy.,,